


As I'm Holding You Now

by castles_and_crowns



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Angst, But they can't seem to do much about it, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 16:50:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13012029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castles_and_crowns/pseuds/castles_and_crowns
Summary: Donna finds Harvey alone in his office, drinking and listening to an old record. They share a sweet, almost romantic moment.





	As I'm Holding You Now

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in season 7; however, in my head Harvey is not dating Paula.
> 
> Also, I STRONGLY recommend listening to "Again" by Doris Day as you read this. It will enhance the fic immensely, I think. It's also the song I wrote this to and the song that I imagine is playing in the background of their moment.
> 
> Lastly, I don't own Suits.

It was a quarter to midnight when Donna Paulsen finally wrapped up all of the paperwork she had been doing for hours. She loved being chief operating officer—and she was damn good at it—but it definitely was much more work. For better or for worse, her work had become her life. This was something Donna had been struggling with a lot lately. It was perfectly normal for a woman in her early forties living in New York to be career-focused and unmarried. It wasn’t perception that bothered Donna, though. What bothered her was that she wasn’t sure if she wanted just a career. She might want a husband and children too. Typically, though, Donna managed to push those thoughts to the back of her mind, and tonight was no different. She shook off the momentary feeling of melancholy, grabbed her blue Birkin bag, and walked out of her office, heading for the elevator.

As she walked down the hall, Donna heard the faint hum of music coming from an office. Was that coming from Harvey’s office? Picking up her pace a little, Donna strode quickly to Harvey’s office and saw her former boss, sitting on his small couch with a glass of scotch in his hand as an old record—was that Doris Day?—playing in the background. 

For just a moment, Donna debated whether or not she should ask Harvey if something was wrong. In recent years, they’d lost a bit of the closeness they had once shared as their silly flirtations began to cross into dangerous gray territory. Now, more and more, Donna was trying to stay out of Harvey’s personal life, with varying degrees of success. But something was off tonight. Harvey often played albums in his office during a late work night, but it was never an album like this.

Shaking off the feeling that maybe she shouldn’t be stepping into this territory, Donna gently knocked on Harvey’s glass door. Harvey, who seemed to be in the middle of deep contemplation, jumped a little at the disturbance and turned his head to look at Donna.

Donna took a single step into his office and said, “I was heading home, and I heard music. I’ve never heard this one before.”

“My mom died,” Harvey stated bluntly.

Donna’s face fell, and she took a few steps closer to the couch that Harvey was sitting on. As she got closer, she saw his eyes were red-rimmed and watery.

“Oh, Harvey. I’m so sorry.”

Harvey swallowed hard before replying. “She had been sick for awhile, but apparently she didn’t tell anyone. My brother called me about an hour ago. He said they only just found out this morning when she took a severe turn. It was supposedly terminal, so apparently she didn’t feel like trying to get treatment.”

Donna could hear the resentment dripping in Harvey’s voice. “You wish she would have tried to get help?”

“Of course, I do,” he replied, his voice breaking. “I would’ve found her the best doctors in the world. I would have paid for it all, but…” He lingered off, shaking his head.

“Do you want to be alone right now?” Donna asked, still having not moved any closer.

Harvey looked at Donna for a brief moment before smiling a little through his tears. “I’ll have all night to be alone. Would you mind just having one drink with me?”

“Of course not,” Donna smiled, now going to sit on the couch Harvey was sitting also sitting on.

As Donna sat, Harvey rose to grab another glass from his drink stand. Donna sat silently as she watched Harvey pour her a glass of scotch as well as refill his own glass. His jacket was off and the white sleeves of his button down were now rolled up to his elbows. She thought back to how he would often sport this look when they worked at the DA’s office. When he joined Pearson Darby though, the jacket almost always stayed on. For all of Harvey’s dapperness in these crazy expensive suits, Donna quite liked this more casual look.

“Here you go,” Harvey said, handing Donna her glass and sitting back down on the couch beside Donna.

“Thank you,” Donna replied, kicking off her heels and tucking her feet under her. “To your mom.”

“To my mom,” Harvey said, and they clinked their raised glasses together before each taking sips. “I should really thank you again, you know?” 

“Why is that?”

“Because you helped me to make peace with her,” Harvey told her. “I don’t know what I would have done if she would have died, and I didn’t make things right.”

Donna watched his face as the dreadful scenario played in his head. To stop it, she put her hand on his bicep. “Hey. Think nothing of it. You just needed a little push.”

“You’ve always been good at pushing me,” Harvey said before taking another sip of his drink.

“It was my job for twelve years, remember?” Donna grinned.

“And you were damn good at it,” Harvey replied. “I’m glad you’re C.O.O. You wanted more, and I’m glad I was able to give it to you, but I do miss you pushing me, keeping me in line.”

“I can still do that. And believe me, if you take one step out of line, I will.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Harvey said, winking at her.

“Deal,” Donna answered as she raised her glass to her lips and took another sip. It may have been backwards thinking, but she needed a little liquor right now to steady her after his compliment and that wink.

“I might take the next few days off, go back home, and be with my family,” Harvey told her.

“Of course, Harvey. You don’t need to come to work tomorrow.”

He nodded, more to himself than to her, and then took another sip.

“Can I ask what record this is?”

“It’s Doris Day,” he answered. “My parents played it at their wedding.”

Donna smiled and nodded. “I thought it might be Doris Day.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever listened to this one before to tell you the truth. My dad gave me the record a long time ago, and it’s been collecting dust on my shelf until now. It just seemed fitting for tonight,” Harvey commented, his eyes getting watery again.

“It’s lovely,” she told him. With her free hand, she picked up her purse that she had set on the ground and searched around for a handkerchief. She offered it to Harvey, who looked at her like she had handed him in the moon. The look was a bit unnerving, but Donna tried to remain stalwart in her offering and not quake under his stare. Harvey did take the handkerchief, wiped his eyes, and tucked it in his pants pocket.

“I think I might need to hold on to this, if you don’t mind.”

"You know I don’t mind,” she said, stroking his arm reassuringly. 

Harvey put his glass down on the table in front of him and grabbed Donna’s hand that was on his arm. Donna froze, her eyes wide and questioning. Harvey squeezed the hand and then offered his other hand to her as well. “Do you mind?”

“Mind what?” Donna asked, focusing intently on keeping her voice steady.

“One dance with me?”

“Oh,” Donna said, clearing her throat. “Sure, Harvey.”

She gave him her other hand, and he pulled her up from the couch and brought her over to a more open space in his office. 

Donna was unsure where this was coming from. Was it grief? Was it the scotch? She knew doing things like this were not good for her—for either of them, really—but she couldn’t say no. Not when he was like this.

Harvey put a hand on Donna’s mid-back, and Donna rested her hand on Harvey’s shoulder. Their other hands remained clasped together, and Harvey pulled her close to him, practically cheek to cheek. She let him lead her in little circles around the room as Doris Day’s angelic voice served as the only sound in the background. Donna was grateful for the lights being dimmed; she didn’t want Harvey to see how stunned she was or how much she was blushing.

“I hope this is okay,” Harvey whispered in her ear, as the song seemed to wind down.

“It’s fine, Harvey,” she murmured back. “It’s nice.”

Harvey squeezed the hand he held in his own. “Thank you. For everything.”

Donna didn’t reply. She was feeling particularly weak in the knees and prayed he would hold onto her for a few more seconds as she managed to summon some strength. Fortunately, he continued holding onto her, though he did pull back a little to look at her. She smiled shyly, and she saw his eyes, which were almost foggy, flicker down to his lips. Involuntarily, her eyes glanced down at his lips too before meeting his eyes again. They stared at each other a moment. Donna knew neither of them was brave enough to do what they both clearly, in this moment, wanted to do. She also knew that was probably a good thing. Harvey was grieving. It wasn’t the time for romantic gestures. 

“That was lovely, Harvey,” Donna said, finding her strength and removing herself from his embrace.

Donna saw the foggy look leave Harvey’s eyes. “You’re too good to me sometimes.”

Donna, who had gone back over to the table to grab her glass and finish it, fought the giant smile tugging at her lips and simply said, “You’re good to me too, you know? I know in your…darker moments you like to be hard on yourself—about your family, your work, your relationships. Don’t be. You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for. A better man than most.”

Before she could see the look on Harvey’s face, Donna closed her eyes and took a big gulp as she polished off her drink. She slipped on her shoes and grabbed her bag. “Call me tomorrow if you need anything, okay? We’ll keep things running while you’re away.”

“I will,” Harvey answered, still in the same spot he had been moments ago. “Be safe getting home, okay?”

“You too, Harvey. Goodnight.”


End file.
